And Now I Talk About The Oscars (Because You Know I Have To)

by George Watches Things

Today, I finally break down and break down the Oscars. (That wasn’t that clever, but neither was the idea of inventing February. (Black History Month, you deserve better.) And neither was this racist headline ESPN wrote that I’ve been wanting to talk about for so long (but won’t get the chance to). Sorry if I’m not being coherent.) In this post, I’ll tell you not only who will win gold on Sunday night, but who should win, in my humble ole opinion. There will be a post-Oscar post (I’m full of the good stuff today) just like this one, but with winners instead of predictions. Ready? Okay, let’s do it. Oh, wait. One more thing: asterisks denote films I haven’t actually seen. 

Why is this here? I think you know why.

Best Adapted Screenplay

This is a person one for me. (It’s also a personal one, but I let the typo be because it still works.) Why? Because Community‘s Dean Pelton (known to others as Jim Rash, apparently) is nominated for writing The Descendants‘ screenplay. I think Moneyball‘s was better, but I’m still rooting for Rash. Homie don’t dean this!

If I got to pick:

  1. The Descendants
  2. Moneyball
  3. Hugo
  4. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy*
  5. The Ides of March*

My official prediction:

  1. The Descendants
  2. Moneyball
  3. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy*
  4. The Ides of March*
  5. Hugo

Best Original Screenplay

If I got to pick:

  1. Bridesmaids
  2. The Artist
  3. Margin Call
  4. Midnight in Paris
  5. A Separation*

My official prediction:

  1. The Artist
  2. Midnight in Paris
  3. Bridesmaids
  4. A Separation*
  5. Margin Call

Best Visual Effects

I don’t mean to be elitist, but I don’t think bad movies should get nominated for these technical categories unless they’re truly groundbreaking in the field. But what I say doesn’t matter. If it did, good movies would win awards.

If I got to pick:

  1. Hugo
  2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: This Title is Too Long
  3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
  4. Real Steel*
  5. Transformers: This Movie Shouldn’t Exist*

My official prediction:

  1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
  2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II
  3. Real Steel*
  4. Hugo
  5. Transformers: Dark of the Moon*

Best Sound Mixing

If I got to pick:

  1. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  2. Hugo
  3. Moneyball
  4. War Horse*
  5. Transformers: Dark of the Moon*

My official prediction:

  1. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  2. War Horse
  3. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
  4. Hugo
  5. Moneyball

Best Sound Editing

I’m afraid that Drive (which I will be seeing very soon after posting this) will walk away without an award. That’s why I’ll be rooting for it in every category it appears in… which is just this one.

If I got to pick:

  1. Drive*
  2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  3. Hugo
  4. War Horse*
  5. Transformers: Dark of the Moon*

My official prediction:

  1. War Horse*
  2. Drive*
  3. Transformers: Dark of the Moon*
  4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  5. Hugo

Best Original Song

They’re not allowing the performances of the two nominees during the show. I’m glad.

My official prediction:

  1. The Muppets will win.
  2. The other one won’t.

Best Original Score

John Williams is nominated twice this year (shocker). How is that okay but an actor being nominated twice in the same category not?

My official prediction:

  1. War Horse*
  2. The Adventures of Tintin*
  3. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy*
  4. Hugo
  5. The Artist

Best Makeup

I’d make a Glenn Close joke, but I feel like I’m being too hard on her.

My official prediction:

  1. Albert Nobbs*
  2. The Iron Lady*
  3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II

Best Foreign Language Film

I keep forgetting that this is a thing. And then I keep remembering how big of a joke this category is. I’m glad I keep forgetting.

If I got to pick:

  1. A Separation*

My official prediction:

  1. A Separation*

Best Film Editing

Finally! I’ve seen all of the films in one category!

If I got to pick:

  1. Hugo
  2. The Artist
  3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  4. Moneyball
  5. The Descendants

My official prediction:

  1. The Artist
  2. Hugo
  3. The Descendants
  4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  5. Moneyball

Best Documentary Feature

See: my little write-up on Best Foreign Film. Add to it, preferably in all caps: how to hell do you leave Senna, The Arbor, and The Interrupters off your shortlist?!?!

If I got to pick:

  1. The Interrupters (write-in candidate)

My official prediction:

  1. Pina

Best Costume Design

Can Downton Abbey not be nominated for this?

My official prediction:

  1. W.E.*
  2. Jane Eyre*
  3. The Artist
  4. Anonymous*
  5. Hugo

Best Art Direction

If I got to pick:

  1. The Artist
  2. Hugo
  3. Midnight in Paris
  4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II
  5. War Horse*

My official prediction:

  1. The Artist
  2. Hugo
  3. Midnight in Paris
  4. War Horse*
  5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II

Best Cinematography

If I got to pick:

  1. The Tree of Life
  2. The Artist
  3. Hugo
  4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  5. War Horse

My official prediction:

  1. The Artist
  2. Hugo
  3. The Tree of Life
  4. War Horse
  5. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Best Animated Feature Film

This one isn’t even close. It’s the lock of the night.

My official prediction:

  1. Rango*

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

If I got to pick:

  1. Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids
  2. Berenice Bejo, The Artist
  3. Octavia Spencer, The Help
  4. Jessica Chastain, The Help
  5. Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs*

My official prediction:

  1. Octavia Spencer, The Help
  2. Berenice Bejo, The Artist
  3. Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids
  4. Jessica Chastain, The Help
  5. Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs*

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Even though I thought Jonah Hill was better in Moneyball

If I got to pick:

  1. Christopher Plummer, Beginners
  2. Jonah Hill, Moneyball

My official prediction:

  1. Christopher Plummer, Beginners
  2. Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
  3. Kenneth Branagh, My Week with Marilyn
  4. Nick Nolte, Warrior
  5. Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Best Actress in a Leading Role

#freekirsten

If I got to pick:

  1. Viola Davis, The Help
  2. Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  3. Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
  4. Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
  5. Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs

My official prediction:

  1. Viola Davis, The Help
  2. Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
  3. Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
  4. Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
  5. Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Best Actor in a Leading Role

If I got to pick:

  1. George Clooney, The Descendants
  2. Brad Pitt, Moneyball
  3. Jean Dujardin, The Artist
  4. Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy*
  5. Demian Bichir, A Better Life* (this is punishment for meddling with a perfectly decent Season 5 of Weeds; nobody cares about your character, man)

My official prediction:

  1. George Clooney, The Descendants
  2. Jean Dujardin, The Artist
  3. Brad Pitt, Moneyball
  4. Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy*
  5. Demian Bichir, A Better Life*

Best Directing

If I got to pick:

  1. Martin Scorsese, Hugo
  2. Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
  3. Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life
  4. Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
  5. Alexander Payne, The Descendants

My official prediction:

  1. Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
  2. Martin Scorsese, Hugo
  3. Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
  4. Alexander Payne, The Descendants
  5. Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life

Best Picture

Sorry, Hugo.

If I got to pick:

  1. The Artist
  2. Hugo
  3. Moneyball
  4. The Tree of Life
  5. The Descendants
  6. Midnight in Paris
  7. The Help
  8. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close*
  9. War Horse*

My official prediction:

  1. The Artist
  2. The Descendants
  3. The Help
  4. Hugo
  5. Midnight in Paris
  6. The Tree of Life
  7. War Horse*
  8. Moneyball
  9. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close*
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