Five Sports Figures I’d Like to See Films On

by George Watches Things

  • Marv Albert

This man lives the life. I imagine he’s so happy with his current life that he’s already bought a good spot in the next. I would be riveted by a film on him. It might get awkward when he bites a lady, though. Casting: Billy Crystal, playing all the parts. Including the lady.

  • Josh Hamilton

This one is less of a comedy, as this one involves real drama. Josh Hamilton is a rehabilitated drug and alcohol addict who was (and still is) great at baseball, even after his struggles. Go Rangers! Casting: Noah Emmerich would be the perfect choice for an older Hamilton.

  • Plaxico Burress

Imagine a comedy that revolves around someone shooting themselves in the foot, then going to jail, then getting out of jail. Hilarious stuff, right? Casting: Is Jamie Foxx too old? If not, Antonio Banderas as Mark Sanchez should happen, too.

  • Joe Paterno

This is the project I would take seriously. The guy had a half-century reputation of greatness, and it was gone in just one week. I’ll end up feeling sorry for him eventually, but what he did, or rather what he failed to do, was very wrong. Casting: Jerry Sandusky, the man who actually raped the young boys, would have no screen time in such a film.

Note: I wrote this before the lung cancer twist, and have nothing to say about it.

  • Kris Humphries

He made a great career move in marrying Kim Kardashian! And now he’s living the American Dream. Casting: he looks a little like Taylor Lautner. Just saying.